#0022 Stop Swinging That Scythe at Yourself
Taking the sting out of rejection, Part Ten
Self-criticism cuts deep. Because we know how to hurt ourselves better than anyone else.
Sometimes called the Inner Critic, self-criticism whispers nasty nothings in our minds, often on repeat. Though our Inner Critic can cut us at any point in the creative process, it gets harsher when we receive rejection. Maybe random rejection sharpens the scythe?
A great way to shut down our Inner Critic (or at least get it to hush) is to cultivate self-compassion.
Though society would have us believe that we’re more apt to attain our goals if we’re self-critical, that’s not true. According to Dr. Beth Kurland:
We likely wouldn’t berate a friend or loved one for running into a speed bump and getting derailed, yet we do this with ourselves often. When you fall short with something, talk to yourself the way you would talk with a dear friend. Be kind, encouraging, and take the long view. (my emphasis)
Remember all the ways you can embrace rejection:
Because rejection is your best friend.
Because rejection is not a referendum on your work.
Because rejection simply means redirection.
Because rejection shows you’re trying.
It’s not quick or easy to cultivate self-compassion. Here are three steps to practice.
Acknowledge the Inner Critic’s whispers (hisses? screams?).
Reframe the verbiage as a babbling brook or some other white noise.
Treat yourself as you would your BFF, with kindness and encouragement.
Sometimes you might only be able to acknowledge your Inner Critic. Be proud of your awareness. Practice again.
Maybe you can acknowledge and reframe the lies of your Inner Critic but cannot be kind and encouraging with self-talk. YET. (Growth mindset!) Keep practicing.
Trust that your self-compassion will kick in. With lots and lots of practice.
Wanna coax your self-compassion along? Try this prompt.
Imagine your Compassionate Self released from your mind and taking on a corporeal form. Describe and/or sketch your Compassionate Self with textural and sensory details, sharing all its glory.
If you’re into good vs. evil themes, pit your Compassionate Self against your Inner Critic in a race across a cityscape or in a boxing ring. May your Compassionate Self prevail!
Stop swinging that scythe at yourself; instead, start cutting down the weeds that keep you from a better creative life.
Next time: Taking the sting out of rejection, Part Eleven