#0044: “You’ve Got Mail”: From wannabe to authentic creative
Compose a Self-Compassionate Letter
Last weekend was my birthday. I turned OLD(er)! Along with texts, voicemails, and social media messages — appreciated but not my point here — I received several physical cards with lovely handwritten sentiments in recognition of the day.
In 2024, it’s rare to send or receive anything handwritten. Which makes today’s practice extra special.
When you feel like a wannabe instead of a real, authentic Creative Person, please pause. Resist the urge to ruminate on the denigrating and dismal wrongheaded rants. Instead, pose this question: Could the Inner Critic be swinging its Imposter Syndrome sword (see #0040)? Consider it might be worthwhile to balance out the negativity with kindness.
We are taught in kindergarten to be kind to others. Society reinforces (especially for half the population) how important it is to love our family and put them first. Pop culture messages repeatedly to support our friends and community no matter what. But what about us?
I believe that kindness starts at home, with ourselves. It’s called self-compassion.
We need to be kind and loving and supportive of our creativity. Especially when up against the nagging negativity of Imposter Syndrome.
More than 20 years ago, Dr. Kristin Neff was the first academic to develop a theory, conduct research, and create a scale to measure self-compassion. Now recognized as a top scholar in psychology, Neff has advice particularly helpful for writers and artists:
Remember that if you really want to motivate yourself, love is more powerful than fear.
I Am (K)Enough
Gather pen or pencil and several sheets of paper, and set aside 15 to 30 minutes for this writing exercise. (Though handwriting is preferred, if necessary, keyboarding can be an alternative.)
Look at the emotions wheel for a minute to gather inspiration.
Jot down on one sheet of paper how you feel when Imposter Syndrome makes you question your creativity. Limit yourself to no more than 5 minutes. Be honest but don’t second-guess whatever pops into your head.
Date the top of another sheet of paper to commemorate the timing of this self-compassionate letter.
Write a letter in which you counter the wannabe Imposter Syndrome emotions by following these 4 guidelines:
Imagine what someone who loves you unconditionally would say.
Remind yourself of how others struggle with Imposter Syndrome.
Consider how life events as well as nature/nurture may contribute to your Imposter Syndrome.
Ask yourself — without judgment — if constructive changes could add to your health, happiness, and self-fulfillment.
Let kindness, love, and support for yourself as a true and authentic Creative Person shine through as you compose this self-compassionate letter. Feel free to use more than one sheet of paper to complete the letter.
Return to your letter whenever Imposter Syndrome sneaks in.
(Adapted from Greater Good in Education’s Self-Compassionate Letter for Adults Practice)
Self-compassion letter writing, like other forms of expressive writing, can ease symptoms of depression in the short term and lead to greater happiness and personal growth in 3 to 6 months. Also, self-compassionate practices are a form of self-care, which can ward off burnout.
When we are kind to, loving of, and support ourselves, we lessen anxiety and depression.
When we embrace ourselves, we can more readily embrace rejection!
Next time: Create mindfulness breaks
Getting old is quite the journey! Do you read the Substack Oldster? Some interesting essays and takes. These days, I see a lot of my wishes in my imagination through cursive writing. My hand writing looping together words in my mind.