#0021 Just Just Just… 🎶thunderbolt and lightning, very, very frightening🎶
Taking the sting out of rejection, Part Nine
When we receive a rejection, we so often get the urge to slug somebody or run away or sit very still and not breathe. These Fight, Flight, Freeze reactions are lousy, am I right?
Sometimes it can seem like we’re prisoners to our Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS). Doesn’t matter that we rationally know our Parasympathetic Nervous System will eventually come online to balance things out. These chronic, stressful reactions suck.
But what if we could change up how we react? Turns out we can!
You just need to shift your mindset. (Number 4 on my breakdown of that GGSC article by Kurland I keep referencing.)
tangent
Just is a four-letter word. Well, of course literally. But what I mean is, the word can be provocative and ugly.
Whenever I see a column about yet another famous writer who wakes up super early to write for two hours before the household wakes up, inevitably the writing advice is to just follow the example (with the implied “and you, too, will become a famous writer”). Though I might admire the famous writer for her diligence, or whatever, I cannot do what she does for many reasons.
But now I feel some shame. The just mocks me (“it’s so easy”) and triggers the SNS Flight reaction (I wanna hide under the covers from a writing advice column of all things).
The word just gets sprinkled in meditation instructions (“just slow your breathing”), in beginner drawing examples (“just draw circles”), in cooking demonstrations (“just fold in the egg whites”). What perhaps started as a filler word in speech is invading writing like a plague of locusts.
Nowadays when I hear or read just, I mentally bleep it out. I also make every effort to not couch a concept that could be really challenging — such as changing your mindset — with the misleading word.
end tangent
The first step to make a change is awareness. Maybe this quote from Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor (which I shared previously) is the lightning bolt:
When a person has a reaction to something in their environment, there’s a 90-second chemical process that happens; any remaining emotional response is just the person choosing to stay in that emotional loop.
When you become aware that you habitually stay stuck in an SNS reaction after receiving a rejection, that’s a moment to celebrate.
That realization — time to pay attention to how the body and mind together react to rejection — is essential. After awareness comes several next steps, including
how to cultivate self-compassion,
ways to plan for discomfort, and
choose to transition from reacting to responding.
These steps aren’t always as clearcut and definitely not as quick as lightning strikes. But I promise you, it’s worth the work to get unstuck from the emotional ruts of those lingering SNS reactions to rejection.
Next time: Taking the sting out of rejection, Part Ten