#0029 Create More Strategies
Concrete ways to shift, cultivate, and plan
After I got a Ford C-Max Energi (plug-in hybrid) in 2018, suddenly I saw C-Max cars everywhere. Am I an influencer in the SoCal pre-owned vehicle market? I don’t think so. Instead, I had a new-to-me car and that brought my attention to all the other similar cars.
I’m guessing something like this has happened to you, too. Maybe not a car but another thing always in the background suddenly came to your attention again and again.
Congratulations! You know how to shift your mindset.
We can similarly become aware of how we react to rejection. In the moments and minutes after receiving a rejection, focus on the reactions in the body. Quickening heartbeat? Shallower breathing? Sharpening vision? Cooling extremities? Fidgeting fingers? All signs of Fight, Flight, Freeze kicking in. This awareness is essential to change.
When we pull back the curtains, it lets the light of recognition shine through. To take the sting out of rejection,
Wallpaper your screens (mobile, tablet, laptop/desktop, tv) with this reminder: Pause to feel the feels.
After the necessary first step of shifting mindset, we can cultivate self-compassion. To begin to change for the better how we react, it’s useful to practice ART:
Acknowledge the Inner Critic
Reframe verbiage as a babbling brook
Treat ourselves as we would a BFF
Try not to be too hard on yourself. It takes A. Lot. Of. Practice. to cultivate the self-compassion needed to combat the Inner Critic. That’s kinda why it’s called practice? To make better (not perfect!) over time. To take the sting out of rejection,
Wear an ART-designated bracelet or ring as a physical and visual reminder to practice self-compassion.
Self-compassion researcher Kristin Neff, PhD, divides the skill of self-compassion into 3 components:
Replace self-judgment with self-kindness
Recognize your shared humanity
Be curious about negative thoughts instead of believing them as truth
The ART practice, especially treating ourselves as we would a BFF, is all about #1, self-kindness. When we embrace rejection, we learn rejection isn’t about me, myself, and I but something everyone experiences. We are part of a collective creative community, #2, shared humanity.
To plan for discomfort means first to face the negativity — bodily reactions and Inner Critic diatribes — rather than to ignore or bury them. Then, to figure out what the negativity is really all about, I recommend becoming catlike. Just as a kitty would with its human servant’s legs, wend your mind around and through the negative whatever to grasp (soft paws, please) the meaning. And ponder if the whatever is real and true or information that only harms you, aka “dis”-information.
Planning for rejection discomfort by facing, wondering, and questioning it aligns with Neff’s #3, be curious. To take the sting out of rejection,
Dedicate a sketchbook to doodle a comic and/or draft a scenario for each rejection you fear, showing how you plan to overcome the dis with curiosity.
Last time (#0028) I shared concrete ways to reframe for a yes, be specific, and develop alternatives. Now I’ve added recommendations on how to shift your mindset, cultivate self-compassion, and plan for discomfort. And, as always, I suggest joining a creative community, whether Inlandia’s 100 Rejections Club or others.
Please let me know in the comments if these tools help you embrace rejection. And do share other techniques. I’m a lifelong learner!
Next time: Submission trackers or creative communities or something else entirely
I would add that with rejection you can't know why. So don't beat yourself up over imaginary reasons.