#0066 Year-End Reflections on Rejection
What does rejection mean? And what to do with it.
In casting back through this year’s newsletters, I discovered a theme: Reframe. To get past the 90-second emotional reaction of rejection (#0018), to face the inner critic (#0022), to combat imposter syndrome (#0040), I’ve often recommended to reframe it to get to the four tenants of our 100 Rejections Club.
Instead of rehashing what I’ve already written on ways to embrace rejection (did that on the first anniversary of this newsletter, #0052), I thought it’d be fun to see what some other stacks have recently shared about the four ways to reframe as the clock ticks down the remaining time in 2024.
1. Give it a try
Framing-the-Story with Alex Kustanovich recently wrote The Year in Review: Lessons from Students, Aikido, and Rejection. When he’s not teaching MFA students, practicing aikido, playing paintball, or revising a TV series with a cowriter, Alex is a photographer. The theme of his year in review was all about showing up (aka giving it a try).
The act of showing up—of writing, submitting, practicing, playing—is where the real joy and growth happen.
After four of his photos were published in The Sun in 2022, here’s what Alex mentioned about rejection:
Over the last two years, I’ve submitted more than 100 photos to The Sun—and received over 200 polite rejections. Rachel, The Sun’s photo editor, knows me by name and always responds with grace… Some days, it stings. Other days, I laugh. But the joy of photography is still there, even when I don’t get the result I hoped for. And who knows? Maybe one of those photos will surprise Rachel someday.
You gotta show up to your work in progress until it’s ready to submit then submit it. The rejection? Proof you dedicate time and energy to your creativity, so embrace the rejection because it shows you’re trying.
2. It’s not you, it’s me
Earlier this month, Alex Baia wrote An Interview With Three Timeless Writers: The Newb, the Ego, and the Pro; Which writer are you? Here are the three answers to rejection:
The Newb: Damn, that sucks. Oh well. Actually, I sort of expect rejection, partly because I’m just a newbie and partly because my writing is a bit tentative and derivative of writers I idolize. But I know rejection is a part of the game, so I guess I’ll press on.
The Ego: Shit. This is bad. This is horrible. My every attempt to write anything is a referendum on whether I’m any good as a writer. Every rejection makes me feel awful. Apparently, I’m a worse writer than I thought. I’m definitely worse than this other writer so-and-so who’s having a lot more visible success than me. In fact, now that I’m thinking about so-and-so’s writing success, I feel even worse.
The Pro: I barely noticed any rejection because I was too busy having fun actually writing and working on seven other new things.
In case you didn’t pick up on it, Alex is a humor writer. His stack, called Comedy Bizarre, is “a publication about writing comedy. For every writer who wants a little more bizarre in their creative life.”
Though The Newb sounds like they have some imposter syndrome issues, it’s really The Ego that needs to reframe their relationship with rejection. Maybe take a look at The Pro’s outlook? Because rejection is not all about you or what you do; instead, embrace the rejection because it is not a referendum on your work.1
3. Take another approach
The Bleeders is “a newsletter and podcast (and support group!) for scrappy writers looking for no-bullsh*t guidance on book writing, publishing, the multi-passionate writer's life, and landing your next (or first) big byline.” Courtney Kocak’s latest episode is called: The Best Rejection I Ever Got 💯, which begins:
Do you know how rejection can sometimes be a blessing in disguise?
Courtney interviewed Laura Cathcart Robbins about her road to memoir publication, starting with a rejection, which is summarized:
An agent turned her down but gave her actionable advice: build an author platform, complete the full memoir manuscript (not just a proposal), and get her name out there. Instead of sulking in the “no,” Laura saw this feedback as a call to action.
When there’s a nugget of helpful information,2 embrace the rejection because it simply means redirection.
4. Besties are the best
Sub Club has 8 different stacks, including On Something with Somebody, “a monthly conversation with writers on rejections, the submission process, and all the moments in between before hitting submit.” For December, the interview with Anna Dorn starts with a question about how she viewed rejection and what she got from it when starting out. Her take? To answer in the present:
My current way of seeing it is very woo-woo (I live in California after all), but I like to think when I'm rejected, the universe is protecting me, that for whatever reason, that piece or book being in the world would not have been good for me.
To flip the coin from rejection as bad to its being something good is a neat trick.3
Just as your BFF (or, um, the universe?) protects you from walking out of the restroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe, or similar embarrassment, embrace the rejection because it is your best friend.
Embrace Rejection
Because rejection shows you’re trying.
Because rejection is not a referendum on your work.
Because rejection simply means redirection.
Because rejection is your best friend.
Next time: Welcome, 2025!
Gotta love that The Ego actually uses the word “referendum”!
For folks in the publish-or-perish stage in their academic career, check out Gareth Dyke’s post, Managing rejection in academic publishing: The five stages of grief. From denial to acceptance, it’s a fun take with advice on rejection applicable to all.
Via Marta Lane’s Living with Big Dreams, see sculptor and activist Sonja Henderson’s Divine Timing for another way to reframe rejection:
To accept that there is a greater plan at work helps one to better understand or navigate the “no,” rejection or loss. That these are not really doors closing but a way of steering you to better opportunities and experiences. Keep at it and at some point everything falls into Alignment.
There's a lot of rejection on the road to success. You gotta embrace it or you'll be miserable!
I love all of these ways to reframe rejection 😍